1 00:00:01,042 --> 00:00:04,838 [lounge music playing] 2 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,309 [clears throat] 3 00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:22,897 [ice crunching] 4 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:37,078 Welcome to L’Orange. I’ll be your server, Kyle. Our specials tonight-- 5 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:40,331 Damn it, are you blind? We’re in the middle of a conversation. 6 00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:42,917 I’m so sorry. [sighs] 7 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:44,043 I’ll come back. 8 00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:50,049 Actually, I kinda wish we’d heard the specials now. 9 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,384 [sighs] 10 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,970 This is fun. So fun, right? 11 00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:36,179 [Robert] This was a doozy of an idea, Archer. 12 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:37,847 I just love double dates. 13 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,766 You’re at a restaurant, Robert. 14 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:42,143 We can trade money for food here. 15 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:45,688 Sorry about that, Gabrielle. At his age, Robert gets confused easily. 16 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,857 If it’s not painfully obvious yet, 17 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,568 Archer is incredibly jealous of my husband. 18 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:53,404 Oh, yeah, I desperately wish I had liver spots 19 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,615 and eyebrows like haystacks. You know what? 20 00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:57,951 Look, let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room? 21 00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:00,328 That you have borderline personality disorder 22 00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:02,122 and desperately need help? 23 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,915 I was talking, Lana, 24 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:06,626 about how incredibly gorgeous Gabrielle looks tonight. 25 00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:09,504 It’s like somebody stuffed 103 pounds of "ka-kow" 26 00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:11,047 into a red golf sock. 27 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,341 I couldn’t agree more. 28 00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:15,093 You look gorgeous, Gabrielle. 29 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:16,636 Uh, honey, shut up. 30 00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:19,139 So how did you two meet? 31 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,432 We met in a study my university is conducting 32 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,643 for individuals who have been in a coma. 33 00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,562 -Catch that, Lana? -That you have brain damage? 34 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:28,857 No, I mean the part where Gabrielle is a scientist? 35 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:31,151 Oh. Are you in science as well? 36 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:33,736 [laughs] That’s funny. You see, 37 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,282 Lana’s parents desperately wanted her to be a scientist, but she hated them. 38 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,075 And now they’re dead. They’re not dead. 39 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,952 How would you know? You’re not a scientist. 40 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:44,539 You know, one of my foundations is involved in neuroscience, 41 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:47,458 and we just did a study on memory-mapping neurons. 42 00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:49,502 Oh! I just read about that! 43 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:51,796 Let me ask you, did you agree with their findings 44 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,715 on spatially tuned memory-trace cells? 45 00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:56,801 Slow down. Who am I, Andrew Fielding Huxley? 46 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,970 [both laugh] 47 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,722 Gosh, oh, that’s good. 48 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:03,725 So have we decided on a first course? 49 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:06,019 I need a little more time. But Lana, 50 00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:08,563 you’re probably fine with the first thing you see, right? 51 00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:11,190 [hits table] I’m just... [groans] 52 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,484 ...going to go to the ladies’ room. 53 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:14,736 Excuse me. 54 00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,697 -Oh, I’ll join you. -[sighs] Great. 55 00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:20,575 Don’t take too long, or I might fall in love with Robert. 56 00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:22,952 You know how fast it can happen! 57 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,163 Ha, I was joking, obviously, Robert. 58 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:26,998 The eyebrows are a deal-breaker. 59 00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:31,544 Oh, this is a beautiful restaurant. Mm-hmm. 60 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,088 Robert’s great. You’re so lucky. 61 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,382 Uh-huh. So... 62 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,676 you know Archer from work? 63 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,595 [laughs] What? 64 00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:42,347 Wait a minute. You’re joking, right? 65 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:44,682 Archer didn’t tell you anything about us? 66 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,560 Oh, just that you work together, that you’re married to Robert, 67 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,145 that your jaw makes this clicking sound 68 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,772 when you chew, like... [clicking tongue] 69 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,190 Mm. 70 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,067 He didn’t mention that we, uh, 71 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,277 I don’t know, have a child together? 72 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,404 Get out of town! 73 00:03:58,488 --> 00:03:59,989 You’re AJ’s mom? 74 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,532 [groans] 75 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,451 [Robert] So how’s work, Archer? 76 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,036 Robert, don’t take this personally, 77 00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:06,996 but there’s no way I’m making small talk. 78 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,165 Just quietly stare at a candle or something. 79 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,542 Hey... that Gabrielle. 80 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,628 [wolf whistle] 81 00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:16,089 We sure got a type. Rawr! 82 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:18,883 Seeing them walk off together now, I was just like, 83 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:22,512 "I wouldn’t mind being the cream in that double espresso!" 84 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:25,807 [laughing] Hmm. 85 00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:29,435 I’ve dabbled quite a bit in the exotic arts, as they say. 86 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:30,853 Oh, God, please, no. 87 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,563 So you’re telling me you’re not upset 88 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,315 Archer didn’t mention that your first date 89 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,317 was going to include the mother of his child? 90 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:39,570 After all he’s been through, I’m sure it slipped his mind. 91 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,197 Or he’s a lunatic. 92 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,574 I mean, clearly he asked you out because... 93 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,493 [snorts] Well... Well, what? 94 00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:47,912 Oh, come on, he’s trying to send a message 95 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:50,915 that he found a stand-in, you know, for, uh, for this. 96 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,208 A stand-in? 97 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,502 Oh, did you go to Yale too? 98 00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,629 No. I mean, I’m sure I could have. 99 00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,464 But you have two PhDs, I bet. 100 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,091 Well, no, not two. 101 00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:01,843 No, I have-- I have just the one. 102 00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:04,095 Oh, I see, so you don’t mean "stand-in" 103 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:06,306 as much as you mean "upgrade." 104 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,266 [clears throat] Excuse me. 105 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,059 -There you go! -[gasps] What are you doing? 106 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,021 Now you’re all wet. Isn’t that what you wanted? 107 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,315 And sure enough, we made love 108 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,025 right there in the jazz club. 109 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:20,528 And to this day, I can’t even hear a muted trumpet 110 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,030 without getting erect! 111 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:23,531 [mimics trumpet fanfare] 112 00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:25,116 What a great story, Robert. 113 00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:27,285 I just wish it could’ve been louder and grosser. 114 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:30,246 Kyle! Do us a favor and put our food in, would you? 115 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,956 Absolutely. What would you like? 116 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,708 You order for us, Kyle. 117 00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:37,879 I’m talking apps, entrées, the whole nine yards. 118 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:39,797 You’re trusting Kyle to pick our food? 119 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,674 The entirety of his life’s decisions 120 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,926 have led him to this job and that haircut. 121 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,178 No offense, Kyle. 122 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:47,096 Hey, there they are, 123 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,015 the two prettiest ladies in the joint. 124 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:52,101 Or, more specifically, a clear number one 125 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,395 and a not-as-well-read, big-boned runner-up. 126 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,773 You know what? Let me ask you a question. 127 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,691 What the hell are you doing? 128 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:01,569 You’re supposed to be staking out Victor Cherenenko. 129 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:03,988 Will you two be joining the table? Definitely not. 130 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,156 We were leaving. Sure. 131 00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:07,575 Gabrielle, you could scooch in next to me. 132 00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,577 Ooh, who’s Victor Cherenenko? 133 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:13,122 Oh, Russian hacker, one of Interpol’s most wanted, Gabrielle. 134 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,624 Huge reward out for him. 135 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,834 And I am the one responsible-- 136 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:19,921 Actually, I’m in charge of the mission. 137 00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:21,422 How are you? Cyril Figgis. 138 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:22,715 Calm down, Cyril. 139 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:25,426 You’re getting desperation all over my hot scientist. 140 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:28,137 I probably shouldn’t be showing you this. 141 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,515 You look like someone who can be trusted. 142 00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,809 For years, no one has been able to find this guy, 143 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,103 but recently he’s been popping his head up in public. 144 00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:38,356 So as team leader, I took it upon myself to synthesize data 145 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:40,525 from his financial records, and ta-da. 146 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:43,694 You were able to produce that wet diaper of a worthless dossier. 147 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:47,281 The thing says Cherenenko is a regular at this place, and yet-- 148 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,367 Hey, isn’t that him? Cherenenko? 149 00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:50,785 [Cyril] You see that, Archer? 150 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:53,246 I was right. He’s here after all. 151 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:56,290 It doesn’t take that much to look at a credit card statement 152 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:59,210 and see that guy comes to a restaurant a lot and that-- 153 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:00,670 Goddamn it, Archer! 154 00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,547 Wow, this is so exciting! 155 00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,715 So what do we do now? Go detain him? 156 00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,259 [laughs] Oh, man. 157 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:09,011 Guess they don’t teach you everything in neurobiology school. 158 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,013 Well, no, obviously not. 159 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:15,017 As much as I love taking advice on spycraft from civilians, 160 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,061 you can’t go up and detain a guy 161 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,729 with an armed bodyguard protecting him. 162 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:21,524 Lana’s right. Even if we took the bodyguard out, 163 00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:24,193 we’d have 50 Russian goons on our doorstep 164 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,611 looking for blood in the morning. 165 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:26,988 Uh, yeah, that’s what I’m saying. 166 00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:28,656 So the plan is, we go over-- 167 00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:31,325 Excuse me. I’m in charge, and as such, 168 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:34,287 I have constructed our apprehension strategy. 169 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,622 Okay, we wait for him to leave, and we tail him. 170 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:39,750 Then we find an opportunity to separate him from his bodyguard, 171 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,253 lure him somewhere quiet, and bring him down. 172 00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:45,089 Voilà. A classic Figgis. 173 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:48,217 I thought a classic Figgis was when you get your genitals 174 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,969 caught in the zipper of a sleeping bag. 175 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:51,762 You know very well that wasn’t user error. 176 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,347 There was a factory recall! 177 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,057 I’m going to the men’s room real quick. 178 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,268 Don’t do anything without me. 179 00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:01,564 So, Gabrielle, how do you feel about jazz? 180 00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:03,566 [urinal flushes] 181 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,109 And how are you this evening, sir? 182 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,028 Very well, thank you. 183 00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,906 I actually just had a, uh, pretty big professional victory. 184 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,532 -[faucet running] -That is wonderful, sir. 185 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,034 Thanks. You know that feeling 186 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:14,660 when you take a big step forward at work 187 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:15,953 and people notice? 188 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:18,706 Yes, sir. Very magical, sir. 189 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:22,376 Oh, uh, I left my wallet in my jacket, and I’ll just-- 190 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,504 -[urinal flushes] -Good call. I’m on a diet. 191 00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,176 May I offer you a towel? 192 00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,344 Hey, excuse me, sir-- 193 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:32,845 [grunts] 194 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,680 [grunts] 195 00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,183 [dramatic music playing] 196 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,185 [groans] 197 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,732 [moaning] 198 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,777 Ooh, he’s really giving it to her. 199 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,820 -[gasps] -[Malory] They’re leaving. 200 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,031 [Lana] Perfect. When they get outside, we follow them. 201 00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:54,367 Gabrielle, I’m sorry to tell you, 202 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,619 but you’re about to dive headfirst 203 00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,288 into a high-speed chase, so buckle up. 204 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,999 Shouldn’t we just leave her here? No, Lana. 205 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,627 I’m sorry you’re threatened because Gabrielle is smart 206 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,629 and accomplished and-- Hot. 207 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,674 Thank you, horny new guy. We are not ditching her. 208 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:12,635 Here, put this on, Gabrielle. I wouldn’t want you to catch cold. 209 00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:15,054 You should, uh, put this on to, um... 210 00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:18,182 cover up your hideous... 211 00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:19,725 elbows. 212 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,644 You had trouble finding something? 213 00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,020 Shut up, Lana! 214 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,148 [lively jazz music playing] 215 00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:28,192 Hold on. 216 00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:33,281 All right, go! Everybody into my car. 217 00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,407 [Cyril] Good news. 218 00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:37,159 The bodyguard is now locked in a bathroom... 219 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,911 supply closet. 220 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:39,996 [sighs] 221 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,998 It’s my mission. 222 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,500 Okay, so here we have the first courses, 223 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,795 fried lobster in puff pastry over four-cheese grits. 224 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,506 [crying] 225 00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,217 -[engine revving] -All right, Gabrielle, 226 00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,969 get ready for the ride of your... 227 00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:56,971 [tires squealing] 228 00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:59,015 -[tires screech] -[horns honking] 229 00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,099 ...life. 230 00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:01,767 Uh, what did he just say? 231 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,436 Life, Robert! He said life! 232 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,104 He was finishing a thought from before! 233 00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:07,148 [laughs] Archer! 234 00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:10,234 I’m sorry. He did a "what did he just say?" 235 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,988 He’s doing all the top ten old-guy hits, coast-to-coast! 236 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,993 [jazz music playing] 237 00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:23,080 This is what happens when you give bicyclists their own lane. 238 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,458 What’s next, a lane for vegetarians? 239 00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:28,294 Sorry, Gabrielle. It’s usually a little chasier than this. 240 00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:31,255 Oh, no, don’t apologize. This is a great opportunity 241 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,466 for me to get to know your friends a little bit better. 242 00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:35,885 All right, I’ll start. This one’s for anybody. 243 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,554 Who’s ever met a potential love interest 244 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:42,224 over the unconscious body of their child’s father? 245 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,144 Oh, my God. This again? This again, what? 246 00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:47,313 Well, you got shot by a murder suspect 247 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:50,399 you were supposed to be investigating but instead were having sex with, 248 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,986 who, by the way, after shooting you, got away! 249 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,532 Hey, look what we got going on back here. 250 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:01,035 I feel like the cream inside of an Ore-- 251 00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:03,746 Do not finish that sentence. 252 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,665 [crunching loudly] 253 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,333 Hey, Kyle. 254 00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:09,669 Would you mind parking the dessert cart over here? 255 00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:12,046 And you might want to throw the emergency brake on, 256 00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:14,924 because I have a feeling things could go sideways pretty fast. 257 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,676 Actually, sir, some diners have been complaining 258 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,347 that your constant crying and chewing is bumming them out. 259 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,765 If you wouldn’t mind... 260 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:25,601 Oh. They didn’t leave a credit card? 261 00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:28,354 Jeezy Petes! I had a serving of bone marrow, 262 00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,648 not a goddamn transplant. 263 00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:32,817 [sighs] All right, I-- 264 00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,610 Hey! My jacket’s gone! 265 00:11:34,693 --> 00:11:37,238 Listen, Kyle, my wallet was in my jacket, 266 00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:39,323 and it appears my friends must’ve grabbed it. 267 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,533 So I’m gonna have to... 268 00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:42,535 To have someone come down 269 00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:44,412 and meet me here with a credit card. 270 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,579 There you go. 271 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:53,629 Don’t spray that urine on my son’s window. 272 00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:56,757 If you want a dollar for doing nothing, walk to Canada. 273 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,260 What are you even doing on this mission to begin with? 274 00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:01,971 Cyril needed me. It would’ve looked weird 275 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,390 for him to be sitting at that restaurant all alone. 276 00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:05,808 Who were you supposed to be? 277 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,476 His date, obviously. 278 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,103 [both laughing] 279 00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:11,772 Excuse me, it’s not that crazy at all 280 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,566 that these two would be together. 281 00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:16,068 Not much further apart in age than Lana and I are. 282 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,153 Self-burn. 283 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:19,655 Plus, she’s beautiful and successful. 284 00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:22,825 You know who you remind me of, Malory? My ex-wife. 285 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,827 Malory reminds you of Linda? 286 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:27,163 The supermodel? No. No, no, no. 287 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:29,748 I’m talking about Zelda, my first ex-wife. 288 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,334 Linda was my third ex-wife. Your what? 289 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,170 Oh, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. 290 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:37,131 I think the phrase you’re looking for is "gulp." 291 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:39,717 [both laughing] 292 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,512 What’s wrong with your face, Krieger? 293 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:46,515 Yeah. Did you rack your nuts on your proton pack? 294 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,100 [both laugh] 295 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:51,270 Aw, Mitsuko and I got into an argument. 296 00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:54,106 She said she thinks maybe her feelings are changing about us. 297 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:57,151 Let me tell you something everyone hears at some point in their lives: 298 00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,403 that anime hologram’s just not that into you. 299 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,739 No! It’s probably just a phase, right? 300 00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:02,907 [phone rings] 301 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,575 -Yello? -[Cyril] Pam! 302 00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,160 Listen! [chuckles awkwardly] 303 00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:07,953 I need you to come to L’Orange. 304 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,955 Archer stuck me with a huge tab, 305 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,249 then left with my coat which had my wallet in it, 306 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,960 and there’s a menacing busboy who won’t stop staring at me. 307 00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,046 And you want me to come over there 308 00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,590 and blow a busboy so he’ll forget about your dinner tab. 309 00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:22,343 What? No, come with money to pay the tab. 310 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:24,428 Oh. Lame. 311 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,096 Okay, let me get this straight. 312 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,723 You’ve been married four times, 313 00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:29,350 and it never occurred to you 314 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,769 to share that information with your wife? 315 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:33,312 It’s personal, dear. 316 00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:35,731 I didn’t ask you how many times you’d been married. 317 00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:38,150 Zero! I’d been married zero times! 318 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:39,902 Well, now I see why. 319 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:42,112 Oh! [laughs] 320 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:43,364 Who were they? 321 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:44,949 Linda, of course. 322 00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,576 Then Hafsa, she was a gift from the Saudi crown. 323 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,329 Would’ve been rude to say no. And then Zelda. 324 00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:54,041 We didn’t technically divorce. I lost her on safari. 325 00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,460 Oh, my God, this guy’s on fire. 326 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,879 I’m not sure if it’s a big deal, but... 327 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,090 that guy you’re following got out of that cab. 328 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:03,175 Damn it. He’s getting away! Follow him! 329 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,094 I can’t, Mother! What do you want me to do, 330 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:08,138 just leave the car here in the middle of 5th Avenue? 331 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:10,307 Oh, yes, big smiles. 332 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:11,850 I, too, would be excited 333 00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,019 if I were about to overdose somewhere 334 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,980 in a hollowed-out box spring. 335 00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:17,940 You know, I’ve always thought 336 00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,484 that busboys were the backbone of the restaurant industry. 337 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,902 I’m a woman. 338 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,989 And a beautiful one at that. 339 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,868 There you are! Oh, you look like shit, dude. 340 00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:29,994 Have you been crying? 341 00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:31,745 Crying? [laughs] 342 00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,080 -No. -[all] Yes! 343 00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:34,915 [cries] Okay. 344 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:37,918 Oh, Cyril. Come on. Let’s get out of here. 345 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,671 -[clears throat] -Oh, uh... Right, the tab. 346 00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:43,841 Cyril, don’t worry about the tab. I got this. 347 00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:46,802 [shouting] This waiter just touched my breasts! 348 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:47,887 [people gasp] 349 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,680 What? 350 00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:52,558 Again, I just can’t put into words how mortified I am. 351 00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,853 Well, you should be mortified. I know my breasts certainly are. 352 00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,271 Right, ladies? 353 00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:58,522 Hey, hot shot, 354 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,734 call me if you ever want to have your world rocked. 355 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,736 [Lana] You voted libertarian? 356 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:05,237 [Robert] Sure, twice. 357 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:07,823 Hey, I know seat belts save lives, 358 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,910 but who is the government to require me to wear one? 359 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,162 Anything else you haven’t told me? No. 360 00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:16,749 In my experience, you have to ask exploratory questions, like... 361 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,918 Robert, have you ever done anything 362 00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,878 that you’re deeply sad about? 363 00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:24,131 I mean, I guess if I had to pick one thing... 364 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,509 Oh, gosh, it’d be the dogs. 365 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:31,722 The dogs? I’ve had 11 dogs die on me. 366 00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:34,308 Eleven? How is that possible? 367 00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:37,811 Well, you know, there’s just a huge language barrier. 368 00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,522 [shouting] Oh, my God, what the hell is wrong with you? 369 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,399 [Southern accent] What beautiful architecture 370 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,735 they have here in New York City, New York, 371 00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:47,655 where we are visiting as tourists. 372 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,034 [whispering] Jesus Christ, Lana, 373 00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,286 quit fighting with your husband before you give us away? 374 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,205 [angry whisper] We wouldn’t be in a fight if you hadn’t set up 375 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:57,998 this stupid double date in the first place. 376 00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,291 [loudly] Boy howdy. 377 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,835 I sure hope someday we get these kind of tall buildings 378 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,963 back at home in... Arizona. 379 00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,090 Shit, he’s heading to the park. 380 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:09,385 [soft dramatic music playing] 381 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,472 Follow that horse! And step on it! 382 00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,391 -[driver clicks tongue] -[horse whinnies] 383 00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,142 You there, follow that cab! 384 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,644 On a break. 385 00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:20,354 Let me try. 386 00:16:20,437 --> 00:16:23,983 Well, I can see why they call it a hansom cab. 387 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:28,153 You sure are the best-looking son of a gun I’ve seen all night. 388 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,655 Oh, is that a fact? 389 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:32,116 Oh, I was talking to the horse. 390 00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:34,159 I figured he ran the business. 391 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,161 [both laugh] 392 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,788 Gosh, oh, that’s good. 393 00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:41,917 [dramatic music playing] 394 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,254 Hmm, they seem to be in love. 395 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,506 Wonder whose still-breathing body they met over. 396 00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:49,675 Oh, my God, you’re cracked in the head. 397 00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:52,594 We weren’t even together when you went into a coma, okay? 398 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,680 You were banging some old broad who then, 399 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,682 God bless her soul, shot you. 400 00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:59,268 Better to be shot than stabbed in the back, Lana. 401 00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:01,937 I’m surprised this isn’t something you’ve mentioned 402 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,940 about your time in a coma if it bothers you so much. 403 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,108 Oh, it doesn’t. 404 00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:08,485 Why do you even care I’m with Robert? I don’t! 405 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,612 It was clear you were never going to commit to me. 406 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:11,822 You don’t know that! 407 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:14,158 So if Lana hadn’t met Robert... 408 00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:16,243 Over my still very much alive body 409 00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:17,661 with a functioning sex organ, 410 00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,705 as I imagine was included in my records. 411 00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:21,623 Then you would’ve wanted to be together? 412 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,835 Excuse me! Whose ass do I have to kiss 413 00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:27,504 -to get more hot cocoa back here? -[horse whinnies] 414 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,298 Coney Island? 415 00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:32,051 I appreciate you guys bringing me here to cheer me up, 416 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,385 but I’m a grown man. 417 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:34,845 Oh, cheer you up? 418 00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:37,556 A waiter just touched my breasts, asshole. 419 00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:39,141 If you’re in need of some cheering up, 420 00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,477 this is the place. Come on. 421 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,646 Whoa, look! Wacky mirrors! 422 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,149 [carnival music playing] 423 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,987 Driver! Now we’re going too fast! 424 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:55,657 We’re trying to follow that horse in front of us, not inseminate it. 425 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,868 I remember when the park was a place you’d come 426 00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,912 to get away from the hustle and bustle. 427 00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:03,165 Me too. I had an aunt who’d take me here. 428 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,125 We’d sit on a park bench for hours, 429 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:08,170 just chatting and throwing lit matches at the pigeons. 430 00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:10,631 My friends and I would feed the pigeons Alka-Seltzer, 431 00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:12,257 watch them explode! 432 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,717 [both laugh] 433 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,469 Oh, yeah! 434 00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,387 [both] Slow the hell down! 435 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:20,182 Come on, buddy. What’s got you so down? 436 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,352 You can talk to ol’ Pam. It’s... Archer. 437 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:24,937 And what about him? 438 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,605 I hate him! 439 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,441 I hate his stupid face! 440 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,193 And his stupid car! 441 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:32,611 And his stupid coma cane! 442 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,029 -And his stupid-- -[machine buzzing] 443 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,782 Doesn’t give me the respect I deserve! 444 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,951 How hard is it for you to acknowledge 445 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,912 the good shape I’ve gotten in? Ah! 446 00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:44,873 How much I’ve improved as a field agent? Ah! 447 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:48,085 I learned Mandarin, for Christ’s sake! 448 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,587 I hate you, Sterling Archer! 449 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,632 I hate you and everything you’ve done to make me feel this-- 450 00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:54,716 Argh! 451 00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:58,804 Cyril, I see the job you’re doing. 452 00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:01,557 You’ve been knocking it out of the park as a field agent. 453 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,517 Really? Really. 454 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,394 When I thought Archer was dead, 455 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:08,438 I literally said, "Well, at least we still got Cyril." 456 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,649 -You did? -Sure. 457 00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:13,777 I need the agency to stay afloat. I can’t get another job. 458 00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:16,697 I have, like, a shit-ton of felonies. 459 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,574 [chuckles, sniffles] Thanks, Pam. 460 00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,033 -[machine whirs] -Argh! 461 00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:25,038 [Gabrielle] Then why did you set this double date up, Archer? 462 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:27,666 Seriously, out of all the women you could’ve asked out... 463 00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:29,626 Of which there are literally billions. 464 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,670 Proving her point. Damn it. 465 00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:35,048 You chose one that kinda, well, is my doppelganger? 466 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,050 Yeah, why is that, Archer? 467 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:40,470 Um, if you two are through playing amateur neuropsychobiologist, 468 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:43,182 our Russian is headed for the subway. 469 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,854 Archer, I’ll come at them from around the back. 470 00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:50,647 You approach them from the left flank. 471 00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,357 I almost hate to do it. 472 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,109 Those two look really happy together. 473 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,612 Yeah. It’s nice to be in love with someone. 474 00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:58,488 You should try it. 475 00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:00,616 Well, if it means being as happy 476 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,952 as that Russian hacker and his girlfriend, I actually-- 477 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,662 [all] Oh! Goddamn it. 478 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,623 Oh, ho, ho, no! 479 00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:12,169 Ew. Should we call the police? 480 00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:13,795 [both] Meh. 481 00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:19,801 So, Gabrielle, this is usually the part of the date 482 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:22,179 when we head back to my place for great sex. 483 00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:25,766 Archer, look, you seem like a really nice guy-- 484 00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:27,309 Ha! Shut up, Lana. 485 00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:28,727 You were saying? Nice guy. 486 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,979 Fully functioning sex organ. Go on. 487 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,607 But it’s clear you still have feelings for Lana. 488 00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,984 [laughs] Wait, me? For her? 489 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:39,029 Why would I want Lana when I could have you? 490 00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:43,533 A totally different non-comparable unique person 491 00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:46,703 who shouldn’t be exploited for personal vendettas, sorry. 492 00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:50,040 Yeah, that part. It was nice to meet you, Lana. 493 00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:52,334 Uh, maybe we could get together sometime. 494 00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:55,462 You know what? I actually would not mind hanging out with you again. 495 00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:58,382 [Archer] Hey, wait, Gabrielle. But... sex time. 496 00:20:58,465 --> 00:20:59,800 Gabrielle! 497 00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:04,554 Aw, you liked her, didn’t you? I don’t know. 498 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,932 But you didn’t realize it till just now, huh? 499 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:08,183 [grunts] Maybe. 500 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,685 I mean, I thought she was great. 501 00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:13,021 Whatever. I mean, smart, charming. 502 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,731 And those cans, am I right? 503 00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:17,025 Yeah, they looked pretty squeezy. 504 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,945 Thinking maybe instead of asking her out to make me jealous, 505 00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:22,531 you should’ve just asked her out because she’s awesome. 506 00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:26,660 [jazz music playing] 507 00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:31,498 Honey, I’m home. 508 00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:33,375 [man on TV] You know what I’d do if I were you? 509 00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:35,627 Wait, wait, wait, wait, this is my favorite part! 510 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,129 Mine too! 511 00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:39,381 [all] Fill my boots with lead 512 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:42,718 and jump in the ocean, you pig-nosed gypsy! 513 00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:44,261 -[laughter] -[machine gun fire on TV] 514 00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:45,470 Oh, gosh, that’s good. 515 00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:46,972 [groans] Fantastic.